I go through this life burdened by the knowledge that I will never be framed for murder on a luxurious, multiple-day train journey. Not for me the thrill of flushing out the true culprit (or culprits???) between visits to the exquisitely upholstered dining car, against the backdrop of passing mountains. The best I can hope for is getting chewed out for hogging the toilet on a crowded commuter train to Leeds.
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2: Heart of Chornobyl stays largely faithful to the original series’ bleak yet inquisitive tone and propensity for technical problems, but there’s another, much smaller feature that it also brings back: silly titles for its lesser NPCs. All the major and side characters are, indeed, characters, but rather than leave inconsequential henchmen and roving bandits nameless, S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2 assigns Zone-merc handles to each and every one of them. Some try to sound badass, some might as well have been chosen by the owner panickedly looking around the room for something to name himself after, and all of them sound like they should be on the actor’s wall in Toast of London.
Because your life partly depends on relieving slain foes of their belongings, S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2 encourages you to get up close and looty with these blokes, meaning you end up spending a lot of time reading goofy nicknames. I thought I’d pay tribute to the best ones I’ve seen so far, even if the majority of these honours will need to be given posthumously.
Overthrown is a city building game made by and for people who can’t work out whether they love or despise city building games. In this curious concoction from developers Brimstone and publishers Maximum Entertainment, you are a chirpy anime monarch equipped with a magic crown that confers the ability to seize entire buildings and throw them away because aaaararargahragrhagh, I am sick of this dang sawmill. I am sick of perfecting the infrastructure. I am sick of stockpiling food for the winter. I am sick of my hard-working peasants and their happiness levels. I am going to pick everything up and hurl it into the sky.
I have significant reservations about Avowed, Obsidian’s first-person Pillars Of Eternity spin-off RPG, but those reservations are significantly offset by the fact that I can be an undersea mushroom woman called Mystic Meg. In Avowed, you are the god-touched envoy of a distant emperor, sent to an island realm known as the Living Lands to investigate a mysterious blight. “God-touched”, in this case, means “fungal and a bit mermaidy”. It means that you can make rainbow toadstools sprout from your eyesocket in the character creator. It means that you can accessorise your cheekbones with what look like bracket polypores, or deck your ears with staghorn coral.
Valve have unveiled a new policy about season passes on Steam, which aims to ensure that developers release all the individual DLC involved on time and share adequate details about each DLC pack in advance. It specifies that developers can delay release of a season pass DLC just once, and by no longer than three months. In the event that a developer postpones DLC release by longer than three months, Valve may take such corrective actions as removing the season pass from sale or refunding players.
Two theme parks are being planned based on Minecraft. Mojang are partnering with Merlin Entertainments to open the destinations, including rides, hotel rooms and shops, in the UK and US in 2026 and 2027. Merlin are the operator of existing theme parks and attractions including Alton Towers, Legoland, Sea Life, and Madame Tussauds.
I’ve been looking forward to Microsoft Flight Simulator 2024 since it was announced, but I might wait a while longer before trying to play it. It launched yesterday and currently sits at “overwhelmingly negative” Steam reviews due to long loading times caused by server issues.
Gang Beasts is one of the games I think of when I recall the golden days of video game expos, before Covid rolled up and nuked the business model. It casts you as one of several jellybaby pugilists, fighting for dominance over such locations as Ferris wheels and the tops of speeding vans. All of the characters are 1) seemingly drunk, and 2) subject to real-time physics. Your abilities consist of 1) punching, headbutting or kicking people, perhaps knocking them out for a few seconds, and 2) grabbing people and things and either hoisting them skyward like a wrestler, or hoisting yourself skyward like a toddler climbing onto Mummy’s head. The only way of defeating people is to hurl them off-map.
One of my proudest pictures of a 2018 trip to Croatia wasn’t of me and my pal. No, it wasn’t of the beautiful scenery or the glistening sea either. It was of many cats lying in the sun together outside a little church. I hadn’t seen that volume of cats in my life, nor that volume together in one spot, all hanging out. Now, you too can live this magic: there’s a demo of this upcoming sidescroller called Neko Odyssey on Steam, and it consists of you taking photos of cats for internet clout. It’s nice!