Category: Rock, Paper, Shotgun

How would a younger me react to the concept of game seasons? “Leave me alone, please. I’m busy replaying The Suffering 2 for the sixth time to see a new 15 second cutscene that recognises which combination of morally aligned beginnings and endings I’ve picked. It reads your save from the first game and everything!”. Say ‘memory card’ to a youthful, broccoli-maned Fortnite enjoyer nowadays. Go on, I dare you. You’ll be in a home before you know it.

Still, having new toys at regular intervals is one real upshot of our new live-service barrage of ephemeral novelty, perpetually flung at my dizzy eyeballs like gleaming carnival daggers at exhausted spinning wheels. Especially if they’re for the exquisite strategy of Mechabellum. Season 2 released yesterday alongside patch 1.2, bringing with it a new unit and specialist, some reworks, and lots of cosmetic bits I pretend not to care about but then get excited when I unlock a new one.

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I come and go with the work of Ken Levine, celebrated auteurman and reported burnout-inducing manager, but I’m interested to see more of Judas, his current project at Ghost Story Games. The concept for Judas is that you’re trapped in a computer-run society housed aboard a colony ship, the Mayflower. The titular Judas has managed to break free of the AI-groomed status quo, and is out to start a revolution. “Bioshock Infinite in space”, we called it, back in 2022, but Levine says it’s more open-ended than either of his Bioshock endeavours, with a greater emphasis on other characters remembering and responding to your actions over time.

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I think the last time I read an actual, original Garfield comic was in 1998. Since then, my experience of the character has been one long litany of Gar-memes and in particular, Gorefield memes. For those blissfully unaware, Gorefield is a version of Jim Davis’s otiose, lasagne-loving housecat who has broken his comic strip shackles and become a cosmic abomination. Gorefield’s manifestations are many: centipede Gorefields, arachnid Gorefields, Gorefields that extend serpentine necks of unfleshed bone towards a cowering Jon Arbuckle, demanding to be fed in a voice that sounds nothing like Bill Murray, a voice as deep and velvety as the eternal Monday before the Big Bang.

In Gar-Type, a free Gorefield fangame from Youtuber and pixel artist LumpyTouch, Garfield has become a planet. The good news is that, unlike many other Gore-variants, this Gorefield is vulnerable to bullets. It falls to ace pilot Jon Starbuckle and his prototype starfighter, Gar-Type D, to save the Earth from lasagnnihilation.

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Indiana Jones is a man with hands. Deny this at your own peril. ‘Write what you know’ they say. Indiana Jones And The Great Circle’s writers knew about having hands. They’d picked up a thing or two. Turned the odd key. Raised the occasional entire lemon to their lips and devoured it whole. Clicked a camera button. Placed an object upon a table. They had touched things, and beyond this, they had felt them. They knew that the player could never truly be Indiana Jones, but they could be allowed to make a pretend man who sounded at least 83% like Indiana Jones do things with his hands that very much resemble the sort of things Indiana Jones might do.

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Brendan Greene, the modder-turned-millionaire who designed battle royale game PUBG: Battlegrounds, wants to make his studio’s next game a “metaverse”, although he says he’s wary of using the term. The project is called “Artemis” (at least for now) and you won’t be seeing it any time soon. That’s because the studio is still working on the tech behind it all, and plans to release two other games before it. Meaning it’ll be 10-15 years before it actually comes out.

Greene describes Artemis as an internet-like platform where users create and share things, but doesn’t say specifically what those things might be. He doesn’t know how his user-led “multiverse of worlds” will be moderated, or how it will prevent copyright infringement, or what makes this idea distinct from, say, Roblox. He is nonetheless “full of confidence”.

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It’s frightfully early in the year to be bustling, but I can’t get enough of the crowded streets of ancient “Chinese-style” RPG The Bustling World. The latest trailer is a series of sweeping yet intimate, colourful urban cross-sections, showing dozens of NPCs selling fish, shaking hands on balconies, shouldering barrels, dancing with fans, honing their feng shui, and various other pursuits that allegedly form part of full NPC life simulations. It’s like scrutinising a Hitman level from above, except that all of these people have evolving relationships and sleeping patterns and they might hunt you down if you murder any of their relatives. Me, I just want to play Where’s Wally.

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Ekphrasis is a concept from ancient Greece (who bloody loved a good concept) describing the act of creative writing inspired by a work of art. Is a Ryanair Boeing 737 safety manual art? Well, Johnson A Plane Man has done some ekphrasis with it, so I say yes. It’s a short browser Itch game that chronicles the life and times of a man named Johnson, his love for yellow life vests, his existential feelings of confinement (despite the high number of easily locatable exits), and such emancipatory joys that can only be found in yellow slides.

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Happy new year all! And what better way to kick off another undignified 12 month crawl toward the next Xmas holiday than with the news that one of my favourite dark fantasy storybook extravaganzas, Ghost Of A Tale, is getting a sequel.

The newness of this news is in question, admittedly. Developer Lionel “Seith” Gallat and his team have been working on another helping of haunted mouseketeering since 2022. But this is the first time they’ve properly blogged about it, sharing details of a gruelling switchover to Unreal Engine 5 and a couple of new screens. They still haven’t updated the title to make the obvious pun, but perhaps a title as pungent with whimsy as “Ghost Of A Tail” is beyond the trumpeted capabilities of Unreal Engine 5.

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My Selection Box picks are of three games that I did not vote for in the Advent Calendar. Two of them didn’t come out this year, which is an easy disqualification, but the reality is that I also don’t think any of them truly deserve a place in one of those hallowed chambers.

Yet all three are games that in some way defined my year, and I feel affection for each of them. Let me explain why.

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The fell moons rise, and in their cold glare emerges a parcel from the dirt. Bloat and gangrene, crimped as if by tourniquet. A dark promise wriggles within. Grip the fibrous handles, feel its jagged soul imprint upon your palm. Now pull! Rend the sinew, tear muscle from bone, hatch their fetid gift! The yoke draws near! Take up the slip and read the words upon its face.

Time to enjoy your lovely joke!

Q: What did the Sekiro Fan Club say to the bartender at their Christmas party?

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