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I’ve got a real soft spot for Trombone Champ, a rhythm game about tooting along to music that works perfectly with the mouse. I’m also a huge fan of Beat Saber, a rhythm game in which you slice at blocks that whizz towards you in VR.
You can see where this is going. Trombone Champ: Unflattened transports that 2022 tooting into 2024 virtual reality.
Minecraft‘s Realms servers have been down for most of the past four days. Mojang’s official account for reporting service status updates noted that “intermittent failures or slowdowns” began on August 13th, and despite similarly intermittent reports of uptime in the days since, the servers remain inaccessible to most players today.
Baroque wilderness-builder Nightingale has not been doing brilliantly since Ed Thorn described the launch early access version as “a numbers grind disguised as a gaslamp survival game”. We had moderately high hopes for it before the early access release – I personally enjoy the fairytale setting, with its pop-up Pucks and magic umbrellas, but I also think I’ve raised enough hovels on procedurally generated maps for one lifetime. Still, I’d quite like it to come good, if only so I can justify op-eds about Lewis Carroll, and I’m somewhat encouraged by what I’ve heard of the game’s forthcoming Realms Rebuilt update.
There you are, rambling through the woods of Interactive Entertainment with an empty pack and a spring in your step. Here I am, lying in wait behind a tree. Wham! Bam! You reel back in consternation as I bounce into the path and clobber you with a sack containing no less than eight venerable RPGs, from Baldur’s Gate to Warhammer 40,000: Rogue’s Trader – well over a thousand hours worth of dungeons, dragons, dicerolls, dwarven shopkeepers and many other things I refuse to spend time alliterating, all of which will (currently) set you back just £32.07.
Were you planning to spend this weekend playing some cute two-hour artgame sideshow, without any levelling at all? Shut up, you DOLT. You will play what the nice journalist tells you to play! Best lay in extra caffeine tablets, because it’s going to take you till Monday just to get through the character creators alone.
Black Myth: Wukong is an action RPG that leans a bit into the Souls camp and a bit into the adventure camp. And either way, it’s a spectacular journey that works for mostly everyone: those after challenging fights against Chinese mythological creatures, and those after the same thing, but with a little less challenge than your typical Soulslikes. What separates Black Myth from the crowd, though, is its slick presentation and a sense of generosity. You’re to witness the most lavish, cinematic worlds and its creatures. And you’re to enjoy battering everything with your staff as a highly athletic monkey with copious spells at his furry follicles and fingertips. It’s been a while since I’ve played anything quite as impressive as this.
Unlike Ed, I wasn’t deemed important or youthfully handsome enough to get Black Myth: Wukong review code, leaving my only hopes of conducting some hardwarey performance investigation with the recently released benchmarking tool. The one that, by the admission of developers Game Science themselves, “may not fully represent the actual gaming experience and final performance at the time of the game’s release”. Monkey nuts.
Crytek’s sweaty and superlative survival boss-rush shooter Hunt: Showdown has been relaunched as Hunt: Showdown 1896, introducing a comprehensive technological update alongside a chronological leap forward to a new map in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. As is tradition for big 2.0-style updates, some players absolutely loathe it, with recent Steam user reviews dragging the consensus underwater.
Any gags I could make about an update that lets Total War: Warhammer 3’s dawi play tall are far too obvious for the discerning comedic palette that brought you such bangers as that time I just wrote “(penis)” a bunch so the Overkill’s Walking Dead page wouldn’t quote me out of context, so let’s just dive right in to the details. The strategy game’s 5.2 update is on the horizon, and tagging along with it are the first of the “extra bits” the team teased in June. I’m very excited about them. They sit somewhere between the usual patch fare of stat tweaks and errata, and the weightier faction facelifts that come alongside paid DLC. They’re also focused right where Immortal Empires needs them the most: depth, rather than width. In the dawi’s case, quite literally.
For years, our PC storage has wobbled and buckled beneath the tyranny of gigantic Call Of Duty installs. Like 13th century peasants straining to convey huge, teetering loads of freshly quarried LMGs, our SSDs cry out for justice. Perhaps scenting imminent rebellion and a mass audience desertion to low-poly shooters with more civilised file sizes, Activision have relented. Future installations of the much-padded FPS will be “smaller and more customised”, though in a last cruel stroke of villainy, they want you to download a large update to prepare the ground.
Life sim contender Inzoi is hoping to knock The Sims from its perch when it launches (supposedly) later this year. There will soon be an opportunity to judge whether that feat is likely. Krafton have announced that they’re releasing a time-limited trial of Inzoi’s character creator next week on August 20th.
