Category: Rock, Paper, Shotgun

In the grim heatwave of the midsummer, everyone you know would love to come hunch over a table and roll dice for six hours, actually, but they’ve got that thing on. You remember that thing, right? Plus, no-one’s got a big enough table. Or the new errata. Also, Trevor’s been banging on about lady Custodes for five months straight and nobody wants to be around him right now. Thank the Omni-trevor, then, for the three-player co-op of Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine 2. “Warhammer with the boys?” said Horace as he stretchily dished out preview keys from an entirely different postcode. James, Edwin and Nic were initially all booked-up for the week, but Horace repeated himself, making it absolutely clear that it wasn’t a question.

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Earlier this week there was some minor Discourse about the removal of the Erotica photography tag from the Dead Rising remaster. Some readers characterised this as a familiar species of cultural hypocrisy regarding video games – emphasising violence is A-OK, but for the love of god, don’t mention sex. Good news, those people: Dread XP’s latest horror signing The Lacerator has both. It casts you as hirsute 1980s porn star Max – surname not given in press release, but presumably something like Jackin’ or Girth – who has been abducted by a large scary individual called the Lacerator.

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I was all set to plunge into Blackbird and Gearbox’s Homeworld 3 this spring when I received a slightly underwhelmed intergalactic transmission from Nic, praising the game’s atmosphere and story while ruminating over fussy controls and a want of tactical depth. Like a herd of frigates scenting a pride of destroyers lurking behind a nearby asteroid, I rerouted hastily and took up a holding position approximately one astronomical unit from the Buy button, hoping that the developers might iron out a few of the wrinkles.

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Over 2000 hours spent in various factory games makes me a bit of a purist, I suppose. In theory, I should then be the ideal reviewer to enjoy Shapez 2. But I’m also the ideal reviewer to tear it apart over the most minor hiccups and defects. I’m the Anton Ego of factory games. I don’t like food, I love it. If I don’t love it, I don’t swallow.

Ah, you needn’t worry. This is by far the most fun I’ve had reviewing a game, and Shapez 2 has, in my mind at least, turned the holy trinity of factory games (Factorio, Satisfactory, Dyson Sphere Program) into a holy quartet. Its pared back, everything-is-free-forever approach is quite liberating, and I’ve never had so much fun placing conveyor belts in my life. But 40 hours into my save file, I’ve often found myself yearning for a bit more creativity in the challenges, a few more curveballs sent in my direction.

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The release date for Dragon Age: The Veilguard has been revealed in a last-minute leak thanks to a naughty video advertisement. Electronic Arts had planned to share the game’s debut-day in about… *checks watchless wrist* … 7 hours, as part of a special release date trailer. But the internet will ever internet, and thanks to some slip-up or other, we have the knowledge just a smidge early. Will I tell you what the actual release date is? Sure. I guess so.

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Steam’s seeing a good few sweeping changes of late. They’ve recently added a ‘Trending Free’ tab to separate the no money down and no, money down playables. And, as of September, they’re cracking down on links to other websites in store pages. Now, horror of horrors, they’re coming for your ascii gigachads and “nobody is going to read this review so I’ll just say I’m gay” bangers. The changes are part of their ‘New Helpfulness System’, outlined here.

The new system, which will be enabled by default but can be toggled off, aims to “help potential players make informed decisions about the games they are considering purchasing by understanding the attributes of the game that other players like or don’t like.” Ah, so a sort of ‘review’, if you will. I like it!

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The Bullfroggy connected universe that is Two Point County continues to expand with the announcement of Two Point Museum, another irreverent management sim from developers Two Point Studios. This one’s about museums, would you believe, with exhibition themes including the world of prehistory. Find a trailer propped below this paragraph like a freshly brushed-down Tugowaurus skeleton.

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The next advance in video game graphics technology is not ray-tracing or tray-racing or any variation thereof – it’s janky stop motion and rubbish plastic dolls, and it actually began about 30 years ago, when I watched the Adam and Joe show for the first time. If you never watched the Adam and Joe show, they used to do home movie recreations of famous films like Titanic and Saving Private Ryan using stuffed animals and action figures. I found these “Toymovies” hysterical as a kid – I suspect they are less so now. Probably, they are full of jokes we might tentatively class as “of their time”. The point is, Reptilian Rising is sort of Toymovie: The Game.

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The Crimson Diamond is a proper old-school style puzzle adventure. It’s 2D pixel art, with a limited colour palette as in EGA games, and you control it with a text parser, like King’s Quest or one of them other Sierra adventures old men like Graham remember. It’s important to mention this up front because it’s very possible that, despite The Crimson Diamond’s tale of betrayal, murder, and mineral rights in 1914 Canada, the text parser element will be a Rubicon you instantly can’t be arsed to cross. A not unreasonable stance – though I think the text parser in The Crimson Diamond is fantastic. Such beef that I have with this adventure game is down to the specificity required to solve some of the puzzles.

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KIBORG: Arena feels like a throwback in several ways that I quite enjoy. It’s a free prologue to the upcoming cyberpunk puncher KIBORG. The titular arena is a large room in which you, a large man, bash a large amount of enemies. You have to punch a gong between waves to trigger the next, and this struck me as a nice pre-emptive nudge that every problem you face in Kiborg can be solved by rapidly moving your fist towards offending objects, which turned out not to be too far off the mark.

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